So, I just drove across the entire country.
Wait, let me rephrase that.
So, I just drove across the entire goddamn country.
From Los Angeles, California to Yarmouth, Maine.
It was at least 30 miles.
Here's what I learned about these United States:
- Flagstaff, Arizona has the best beer in the world. I've been to Belgium, Germany, The Netherlands, London and Scotland. But in Flagstaff I had a stout that gave me goosebumps.
- From New Mexico to Pennsylvania no one knows how to drive. Seriously. Fuck you guys.
- There is a motel just outside of Oklahoma City that belongs in a 3rd world country. Stains on the sheets, holes in the ceiling and wall (some of them plugged up with toilet paper). In the shower they provided a solitary bar of soap that was originally from another motel. I have no idea how these guys stay in business. On the plus side it only cost 35 bucks a night.
- Arizona has the best sunsets (besides Maine).
- God had no part in the design of Boston's roads.
- I-40 mostly has a 75 mph speed limit. You must behold its glory by ignoring it and driving 90 mph.
- Amarillo, Texas is the worst place in the world. The whole town smells awful because it's surrounded by cattle.
- Southern California has the America's most boring weather. Sorry, it's not cool to have the same exact weather all year around - it's monotonous and breeds forest fires. Also, smog.
- There is a chain of gas stations in the flyover states called "Kum & Go". The sheer stupidity required to go through the lengthy process of establishing a franchise and refusing to see that your business name is wrought with sexual innuendo is impressive.
This pretty much sums it all up.
