Saturday, February 2, 2008

No One is Forgetting Poland This Time!

So apparently we're building a missile defense system in Poland.


Missile defense systems based on the ground are so lame. If it's not based in space and named after a sci-fi movie *cough*STAR WARS*cough* then I'm not interested. I'm surprised they could get Bush interested in it. During his first term I remember all this talk about him trying to resurrect the Star Wars program, but it was soon forgotten. Legend says that W was sitting cross-legged, going through old files when he came across a folder marked "Star Wars Project". Witnesses report that Bush whispered"Shit yeah," and then ran into Cheney's office, waving the folder and shouting.

Either way, Russia is pissed off. Again, whatever. What is Russia going to do? I picture the average Russian as an old lady in a hovel, hunched over a bowl of soup made out of cabbage and unfounded national pride. I picture the average American as a square-jawed quarterback cruising down the wrong side of the road in his H2 that runs off of gasoline and fear.
Now which one of these stereotypes needs a missile defense shield?

Putin has been talking strongly of late, saying that it will use nuclear means to defend "THE MOTHERLAND" and "HER COMRADES". He specifically threatened that he would point missiles at European cities if the US puts the missile shield up, which is basically pointing a gun into somebody's face. But it's all unfounded, Russia isn't going to do jack shit about anything.

They're like Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite, always talking about the past and how cool they used to be, but now they're living in a trailer in the middle of nowhere and at the end of the movie some chick visits them (that chick is Finland).

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Still Alive

I haven't updated because I've been in the process of moving to New York.
I also just spent 4 days in the hospital for failing to breathe successfully. I almost joined the host of people who died this past week (Heath Ledger, Bobby Fischer, Brad Renfro), but I pulled through and triumphed over two successful actors and a chess god.
Anyways, shit is going down everywhere on Earth now. The Palestinians busted through the wall and poured into Egypt, the world economy went into a little panic, a bunch of people wrote up all the times Bush has lied to us about threats in the past 7 years, and everyone found out just how fucking crazy Scientology is.

That's it.

I swear I'll update again because I have nothing else to do and people have actually been complaining (and by people I mean 2 people).