Someone Please Have Sex With Ann Coulter

We need some patriots on this - stat.
Ann Coulter probably hasn't had sex in years. That's the only reason why she could be so batshit insane. She's sexually frustrated and is taking it out... on the JEWS!

COULTER: No, we think -- we just want Jews to be perfected, as they say.

DEUTSCH: Wow, you didn't really say that, did you?

Note for the immature: Deutsch is pronounced "Doich" not "Douche"... jackasses.

First of all: Who is "we"? Who is Ann Coulter speaking for other than other insane, middle aged wannabe soccer moms who pour hot wax on their thighs in front of pictures of Ronald Reagan (there can only be one woman who is like that).
Second of all: Perfected? I don't mean to summon Godwin's law here, but when you start talking about "perfecting" a race, then you're in Hitler territory.
Thirdly: SHE SITES A FUCKING EPISODE OF SEINFELD AS EVIDENCE FOR HER ARGUMENT!

DEUTSCH: I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that at all. Maybe you have the chip looking at them. I see a lot of interracial couples, and I don't see any more or less chips there either way. That's erroneous.

COULTER: No. In fact, there was an entire Seinfeld episode about Elaine and her boyfriend dating because they wanted to be a mixed-race couple, so you're lying.

DEUTSCH: Oh, because of some Seinfeld episode? OK.

We all know that when she's not on some cable news channel being interviewed she's at home eating Haagen Dazs and watching TV. So obviously she frames her standpoints around television sitcoms.
What does she do when she's not eating frozen dairy and channel surfing? Well she's either throwing up that ice cream in order to keep her Skeletor-like appearance, or she's at a singles bar trying to get laid. Of course she fails at the latter because she succeeds at the former.

This is why I think that we should start a campaign to pay people to have sex with Ann Coulter. If we raise enough money we can afford to have her humped 24 hours a day, thus keeping her off of Fox news.
This is brilliant.
I'm a genius.