Sunday, November 25, 2007

Fat People Like to Kill Each Other

So I just found this article on

It's about fat people.

Specifically, the fattest cities in America.

In that article you'll find links to other lists of the most murderous and sedentary cities in America. What's surprising about these articles is that there's an alarming amount of overlap in each of the lists.

One city, Detroit, showed up in the Top 5 of each list. So Detroit is a fat, violent and lazy city. It doesn't make much sense, if you think about it. To murder someone you usually have to go out of your way to do it. There's also probably some amount of planning and preparation that goes into it, too. What goes on in Detroit? A bunch of fat people sit around with guns shooting at each other whilst wolfing down buckets of KFC (see Fig. 1).

(Fig 1.)

This is what makes America great. It doesn't matter if you're morbidly obese and hardly ever leave your room, you could still order a semi-automatic handgun off of ebay and shoot blindly out the window.

I don't know, maybe the people of Detroit have pioneered a new method for murder. You invite the person over and then sit in front of the door with a shotgun. The city is probably plagued by drive-bys in Rascals. Slow get-away, maximum comfort.

No comments: